Swiping Left on Connection
October 10th, 2024 by Michelle Star
Abstract
Technology and apps now house our core social tasks, including romance. This essay argues that dating apps can intensify loneliness and feelings of anxiety due to normalizing disengagement behaviors, and overwhelming users with choices. Drawing on reporting and research (Pew, Guardian, University of Vienna, UChicago), it situates dating apps within broader “attention economies” and questions their long-term effects on socialization and well-being.
Swiping Left on Connection: How Dating Apps Fuel Modern Loneliness and Disconnection
by Michelle Star
As technology advances, the more we rely on it to perform tasks that were once manually accomplished. From food delivery to job hunting, technology simplifies various aspects of our lives. So why not use it to outsource romance? What initially emerged as websites hosting profiles–once a taboo topic for admitting how one met their partner–has now transformed into a mainstream medium for forming connections. Despite the widespread acceptance of technology, there’s growing awareness about the negative impacts of phones and social media on mental health. This raises an important question: could dating apps, purportedly designed for fostering connections, be similarly detrimental? Often marketed as platforms for love and companionship, these apps can paradoxically consume our time and leave users feeling anxious and insecure. This paper explores the influence of dating apps on our well-being and questions their role in our future societal dynamics. Are these digital tools that are meant to bring us closer actually driving us apart?
In 2023, the U.S. Surgeon General issued an advisory announcing a loneliness epidemic, a situation intensified by the aftermath of the coronavirus pandemic. The pandemic era, marked by extensive social distancing, witnessed a surge in breakups and a consequent rise in the popularity of dating apps. This scenario presents a striking paradox in the realm of modern relationships, particularly among young American adults. According to a Pew Research July 2022 survey, an astonishing 63% of American men under 30 identify as single. This figure gains significance when contrasted with the fact that 45% of single Americans seeking relationships or casual encounters have used online dating platforms within the preceding year (Gelles). This data points to a complex dynamic where, despite the widespread use of digital means to connect, a significant portion of the population remains single.
The nature of modern love and relationships has transformed with the rise of online dating, leading to an increased sense of loneliness among its users. Finding a partner has shifted from a community-based activity to an isolated individual process. This change is eloquently summarized: “Instead of meeting a partner through friends, colleagues or acquaintances, dating is often now a private, compartmentalized activity that is deliberately carried out away from prying eyes in an entirely disconnected, separate social sphere” (Ferguson). This represents a significant shift in our socialization. We are witnessing a historical break from traditional courtship practices. Not too long ago, dating typically involved meeting someone at a party or through a family friend. Movies and TV often portrayed couples meeting in serendipitous circumstances and becoming inseparable. Love was something that seemed to happen spontaneously, beyond one’s control. Now, the process has transformed into an active endeavor. It has become something one actively participates in by downloading an app, creating a profile, and specifying what they are looking for. Experts warn that this could lead to a strange and unrecognizable future, where traditional social interactions are replaced with digital alternatives. One might hear, “It’s not appropriate to interact and approach potential partners at a friend’s place, at a party. There are platforms for that. You should do that elsewhere” (Ferguson).
With dating apps, for the first time, it is easy to constantly meet partners who are outside your social circle. This shift has introduced an amount of choices previously unimaginable. Where once our dating pool was limited to immediate work, school, or church, it’s now possible to connect with individuals we would never have crossed paths with otherwise. Meeting people through online dating eliminates vulnerabilities found in traditional dating. Nowadays, many view dating within their classes or social circles as unusual, favoring the emotional security of online dating. This method lessens the immediate impact of a relationship ending. It’s “easier to have a short-term relationship, not just because it’s easier to engage with partners – but because it’s easier to disengage” (Ferguson). In this new dating paradigm, people are often seen as more disposable, and ‘ghosting’ has become a common practice. The rationale is simple: if there’s no likelihood of future interaction, why endure the discomfort of a breakup? In the past, ending relationships required direct communication; it was not as simple as ceasing to text. However, the lack of face-to-face interaction in online dating often leads to behaviors that would be deemed socially unacceptable in traditional settings. Practices such as ghosting, where one party vanishes without explanation, or breadcrumbing, giving intermittent attention without serious intent, have become increasingly normalized. These behaviors are facilitated by the anonymity and distance offered by dating apps, fostering a culture of shallow and insincere interactions. Such experiences can intensify feelings of isolation and disillusionment in the dating process, paradoxically making individuals feel lonelier despite having more choices than ever. While online dating platforms have streamlined the process of meeting new people, they have also inadvertently created an environment where deeper, more meaningful connections are more challenging to cultivate and sustain.
The significant role of dating apps in the current loneliness epidemic has sparked an increase in psychological research to understand their effects. A notable study conducted by researchers at the University of Vienna, as detailed in their publication, sheds light on this issue. The study focused on the psychological impact of the abundance of choices provided by dating apps. Participants were divided into two groups: one exposed to a high number of potential partners (91 profiles) and the other to a lower number (11 profiles). The findings were insightful. Those exposed to a greater number of potential partners exhibited a notable increase in anxiety about remaining single compared to the group with fewer options. Additionally, the same group experienced a decrease in self-esteem after assessing the profiles (Palloks). The study suggests that an overabundance of choices does not empower users, but rather undermines their self-worth. The relentless need to compare oneself with numerous potential partners, combined with the implicit pressure to stand out in a crowded field, appears to adversely affect individuals’ confidence and self-perception. These findings reveal a less discussed, darker aspect of these platforms: the excess of choice can lead to heightened anxiety and diminished self-esteem, further contributing to feelings of loneliness and dissatisfaction in the pursuit of romantic connections.
Dating apps, similar to other social media apps, are known for their addictive, dopamine-inducing features. Natasha Dow Schüll, in an article for the Standard, expertly analyzes the gamification of dating apps. Her insights reveal how these platforms can intensify feelings of loneliness and disconnection. Schüll, a cultural anthropologist known for her work on addictive technologies, draws an intriguing parallel between the mechanics of dating apps and gambling. She states, “Gamification is when developers loosely apply game elements to other aspects of life, to capture attention, motivate engagement and drive revenue” (Crisell). While this approach is successful in boosting user engagement, it inadvertently shifts the focus from fostering meaningful connections to encouraging continuous app usage. Dating apps’ design often prioritizes revenue generation over the user’s actual success in finding a meaningful relationship. This profit-driven model fosters a never-ending cycle of swiping, where users are enticed by the possibility that the perfect match could be just one more swipe away. This endless cycle makes it difficult for users to have a healthy relationship with these apps. This dynamic can lead to an intensified sense of isolation and loneliness among users, as the promise of connection is continually overshadowed by the app’s underlying economic motivations.
While it’s crucial to consider the argument that online dating can lead to more enduring and satisfying relationships, this perspective might need reevaluation in the current context. The 2012 study by the University of Chicago researchers found that couples who met online had lower divorce rates than those who met offline, suggesting that relationships formed through dating apps and websites could be more stable and lasting (Harms). This evidence, a decade old, presented an optimistic view of online dating, indicating that amidst a vast pool of options, selecting a partner based on their profile could lead to logical, compatibility-based pairings. This approach, akin to arranged marriages, prioritizes compatibility over initial emotional attraction, which may diminish over time. However, it’s essential to consider how the landscape of online dating has evolved over the past decade. With a significant increase in the number of users, the dynamics of online dating have likely changed. The sheer volume of choices and the ease of forming connections might now outweigh the benefits highlighted in the 2012 study. This shift could contribute to a more superficial experience, potentially exacerbating feelings of loneliness and disconnection.
In conclusion, the influence of dating apps on contemporary relationships and personal well-being is a complex issue that demands consideration for the sake of the future of society. These platforms have undeniably revolutionized the way we connect, offering unparalleled access to a diverse array of potential partners. However, this revolution comes with its own set of challenges. As we continue to adapt to this new era of digital courtship, the challenge lies in striking a balance. We must navigate the convenience and breadth of options offered by technology while remaining mindful of our intrinsic human desire for deep, meaningful connections. It is through this balance that we can harness the potential of dating apps to enrich our lives, rather than detract from the quality of our relationships and personal well-being. Ultimately, while these platforms can open doors to new romantic possibilities, we should remember that the development of meaningful connections is in our control, not the app’s. The responsibility falls on us, as individuals and as a society, to use these tools wisely and with a discerning heart, remembering that behind every swipe and message is a real human seeking solace from the loneliness epidemic.
Works Cited
Crisell, Hattie. “‘We’re addicted to ‘stable ambiguity’’ — how dating apps rewired our brains forever.” Evening Standard, 7 September 2022, https://www.standard.co.uk/lifestyle/dating-apps-bumble-tinder-hinge-science-addiction-games-science-neuroscience-b1023546.html. Accessed 12 February 2024.
Ferguson, Donna. “How online dating has changed the way we fall in love.” The Guardian, 13 February 2022, https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2022/feb/13/how-online-dating-has-changed-the-way-we-fall-in-love. Accessed 12 February 2024.
Gelles, Risa. “5 facts about single Americans for Valentine’s Day.” Pew Research Center, 8 February 2023, https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2023/02/08/for-valentines-day-5-facts-about-single-americans/. Accessed 12 February 2024.
Harms, William. “Meeting online leads to happier, more enduring marriages.” UChicago News, 3 June 2013, https://news.uchicago.edu/story/meeting-online-leads-happier-more-enduring-marriages. Accessed 12 February 2024.
Palloks, Adriana Sofia. “The agony of choice – The effects of dating apps on our well-being.” University of Vienna (Publizistik), 29 October 2021, https://publizistik.univie.ac.at/en/news/latest-news/single-news/news/the-agony-of-choice-the-effects-of-dating-apps-on-our-well-being/. Accessed 12 February 2024.